a meandering reflection...

...a meandering reflection...

Standing on your porch. Several stories up.
The Belgian sun is going down under the city’s skyline.
Sipping on a beer, smoking my bad habit
A creative wandering mind is in awe and looks for wonders.
The world is my oyster. The people are my pearls. The conversations are like diamonds. Crazy. Unpredictable. Sane. The real ones never shallow. Can you ever really be truly or deeply known by anybody or anything in this short lifetime? I saw a quote...”Life is not short...we make it short.” Somehow, I sadly think this rings true in the lives of many people.
I sometimes wonder why I acted the way I did when I initially met you. I really don’t know. That question floats around my mind from time to time, and that’s one of the few things I wish I hadn’t done...been so damn cold the first time meeting you. I am usually fair and give most things and everyone a fair chance. I think I was intimidated...or just feeling bitchy. Hmmm. But sometimes, you have to go through small hoops. This was probably the most gradual and realistic beginning of a friendship I’ve encountered. Many times, I was either thrown into a group of friends, or just had to put up with people, and then they were my friend, or I had too many mutual friends that I ended up calling them a friend. I realized this was one of the very few times where I started with really nothing, besides one mutual friend, a bad start, but a great beginning. I just regret having acted the way I did, and it still makes me cringe inside when I think about it. Somehow, we managed to move on. All I can say is. Some people are a breath of fresh air. Give someone a chance. I dare you. Don’t hold back or become intimidated...no matter how intelligent or sarcastic they are. :) They will surprise you. Thank you (you know who you are) for showing me to look beyond initial well, not appearances, because you weren’t exactly ugly... :) More like, initial meandering thoughts and confusion and uncertainty and apprehension and fear. I was so insecure at the time, I felt like someone was reading me, and I reacted...badly. It’s one of those out of this world, out of body out of soul things, where you just feel so vulnerable...I was dealing with some apprehension at the time, including an eating disorder and uncertainty of where I was in life, and it’s not an excuse. These were just things that were going through my head all in this one moment and someone came and popped my bubble...
So. I know I apologized to you before.

But. I apologize fully and again for the initial meeting. But I’m glad we’ve gotten past that. I really am.

All the best to YOU. I’m proud to now call you my friend.

-P-