When I think back to the time where I was most happy, it was an ocean away from Minnesota. Was I living in a bubble? Perhaps...but life is full of bubbles...we just create new bubbles or find new bubbles, which become our safety zones...or places of familiarity. I made so many close friends....these are good people, I must say. Real people. Honest people. Humble people. Kind people. Loving people. Selfless people. They taught me more than they realise. I felt so inspired. I felt alive. I remember standing on the "cliffs" or "large hills" in the southwest of England, right on the English channel...and having one of those moments where I realised..."Damn, it feels so good to be alive." I had never had that moment in my life, really, to be honest. Walking the streets of Prague at 3 or 4 in the morning was so liberating. Traveling from various countries without getting lost. Traveling alone. Meeting new acquaintances. These are the things which made my life so good.
Things all seemed to just sort anti-climaxed, I guess you could say, when I left the 24th of July to head back home for Minneapolis, MN. There are always going to be more people one would have hoped to have closed ties with. There is more I wish I could have done.
I guess you could say, for once in my life, I was actually living and breathing...not just existing, feeling hooked up to an oxygen tank trying to muddle through this life. I was breathing real air. Living real experiences. And realising how blessed I was.
Flash forward to the present. I'm at a university in St. Paul, MN. I have friends here, yes...but it's just not the same. People frustrate me. They rarely make me angry, but they frustrate me. I frustrate myself as well. I want to know that paying $40,000 a year for 4 years is going to be worth it. That I have made something of myself. That I lived life to the fullest. I'm just spinning my wheels it feels like.
Anyways..
just some much needed venting/reflecting before I embark on a 16 day trip to England and Belgium.
xxx
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1 comment:
I promise I won't comment on every single one of your posts, but this one resonated with me so much that I had to post another comment, just minutes after posting on your Brighton entry. :-)
I loved how you described what living in England was like for you: "For once in my life, I was actually living and breathing...not just existing, feeling hooked up to an oxygen tank trying to muddle through this life." I felt the exact same way! And if people belittle that experience as "just living in a bubble," well, I think they're wrong. Yes, college is SO valuable and it definitely helped make me who I am today. But so did my travels! In some ways, I don't think I could ever have found the strength to move to Boston and "start my real life" if I hadn't spent a summer in England. Like you pointed out, traveling alone in different countries and not getting lost and meeting new people are a huge part of traveling. And somehow, knowing that you can do those things and enjoy them just means so much.
Anyways, I'll stop my ramblings before they become the length of a blog post.
Peace out, Paulie! :-)
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